Based on the information you provided it sounds like what you did was a gentle intervention, not a trauma dump. I am new on reddit. AITA for telling my sister she wouldn't understand the trauma I went through? For context, my mum (40sf) was with her ex (John-40sm) for 6 years. AITA for not wanting my birthday overshadowed with someone elses trauma? So, this happened a few weeks ago. Probably one of the things she loves about Mr Stripper is his ability to look inward and improve. AITA for dumping a girl for repeatedly trauma dumping? TW Abuse. It wasn't misinterpreted buddy. Clearly, you have little regard for your husband. Have adopted sister. You just don't like being told you're wrong. Age when adopted, previous family history, foster system experience,all are trauma factors,but none of them are automatic issues. ESH You're misusing the term "trauma dumping. TL;DR: During a gathering with friends, my girlfriend made an insensitive joke directly referencing my childhood trauma. Source - am adopted. Not only because it was harsh, but because I didn't say it sooner so she could make an informed decision about whether it was a life she wanted or not. “I have cancer,” “my mom is dead,” “my sister went missing years ago” are all facts that may apply to a person’s life and it’s not trauma-dumping to state it, especially in response to something that brings it up. AITA for calling my SIL cruel for excluding her brother (My Husband) from her upcoming wedding? Asshole My husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). I, 19M just celebrated my 19th birthday with my cousin and her boyfriend (both 21). You can deal with your feelings however is best for you. If you only have an undergrad in psych I'm not sure what David is on about. Aita for not forgiving my mother after countless years of trauma Before I let it all out, please bare with me, English is not my first language, so wording may be off. I (20f) have a friend of a friend (Marcus-22m) who I honestly despise. And that I should stop bothering him as he has a gf and we're not kids anymore. Also, if someone is being put on academic probation then this is not the first bad essay. If she never does, it may cause you to not want to be around her since she thinks your trauma was your own wrongdoing. I (15 f) made a Google doc of not only my trauma but my friends as well one night on my computer. Unknowingly I was on my school account, so a month after I made the doc my school called me down to the office to ask about it. So my (19M) friend (19F) told me about her trauma, but the story just doesn’t sound plausible. No child wants to be around a parent that blames them for the trauma that was caused by the parent. I asked him before we moved in together if he was OK with that because I do AITA for not comeosnating my niece for her trauma after she stole my goat? Recently, my 12-year-old autistic niece, who happens to be a vegan, visited my home. Sharing your fears, feelings, or straight-up trauma can OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I want to know if my telling her that her trauma doesn't excuse her abusive tactics was the wrong thing to do. I had enough and told her to stop micromanaging my allergy, that she needs to stop pushing her trauma on me. •. Many of my friends, family, and friends of family members talk about their trauma. Jack and I also have a daughter, Bella (17f). You are an adult & you knew it was your young child who did it. AITA for bringing up past trauma (25F, 50sM,F) I’m going to try to keep this brief but basically got into a conversation with my parents about last things they have done to me as a kid. I was. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! NTA - if he genuinely has trauma to the point that he can't ever have a fault pointed out then that needs work / treatment. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit AITA childhood trauma/gaslighting into adulthood Backstory: (sorry I’ll try to be brief) parents separated when sibling and I were young m13 f9/10 I’ve always loved my dad and my brother has always had a stronger bond with my mother. Then only 6 months later I met this guy who told me that I had to get over all my trauma as it was the “past”. AITA For Telling My Niece The Family Secret? Not the A-hole. No A-holes here. And we wanted a girl. AITA for trauma dumping on my best friend Lots of my family members use reddit so I'm going to keep this brief me 19m and my best friend 20m were talking on the phone and he shared a somewhat long story of the unfortunate happenings in his life and then asked me how I'm doing. That I am going to 5 guys and the group left without her. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. I didn’t mean to but here’s the thing I’m not harboring resentment it’s just the facts of what happened. That is you telling him he isn't entitled to call his trauma, that his experiences don't mean as much, or hurt as much. What has complicated matters worse is my fiancée. Zack was always kind and understanding but most of Yes, the trauma olympics is an awful game to play. Not the A-hole. NTA. I suggested we find somewhere more quiet since the bar was so loud so she invited me to her place and the Tldr : step mom keeps telling me that i should care about my family no matter what, despite having trauma related to it, and told ther that i give little fucks about it and it made her upset. So it's really possible I'm unfair and an asshole to my mom for placing an equal blame on her and telling her to her face. 2. I suppose it depends on your education though, if you specialized in treating trauma than maybe more could be expected, but it is also weird to apply training to yourself. You do not have to forgive her. It had been a year after Kim's passing when Jane and Laura's dad "Tom" (42m) confessed to dating and were Weird thing to be offended by on my part, of course, but this was just the most recent example. Also - I think it's very important to break down "trauma", rather than implying it's all abuse based. When my then 20 yo cousin J got his license and a car we (me, my brother and J) started to go for 3 months because we were on summer vacations. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Dumped it all. AITA? AITA for telling my sons that we would have only one child if my daughter were the first born? I (39f) have three kids with my husband (46). So I am 23f studying full time at university. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. She's accusing me of trying to steal him. Ten years ago, I had a devastating Grey’s Anatomy style illness when I walked into a doctor’s office as a healthy young mom of a baby with a cough and hours later was in the cardiac ICU, not expected to survive the night. We’ve never been super close, but I don’t like people being anxious and clingy, so I have a hard time with Megan’s trauma dumping about her boyfriend. As I associate my birth name with disapproval, shame, hurt, anger and it makes me feel trapped. My(18 at the time, 22f) and my cousins family used to go to his family’s summer house every summer for a month. RoommateProjection37. A place to satirize, crosspost from, poke fun at, and hold meta discussions on the never-ending ridiculous stories and creative writing exercises from AITA and AITA-adjacent subs, including classic tales of your local reddit heroes seeking validation. At work my friend told me about her fear of bananas because of a trauma when she was little. this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I think I dismissed a guy opening up to me a bout getting cheated on by claiming he still loves his ex and will go back to her. I can't handle a certain color of shirts, I won't wear one, but I'm not gonna demand my friend take her shirt off to make me feel better. He's doing much better now that he's in therapy, but he's definitely gone through it. ADMIN MOD. They especially hated the one about the trauma of being raised by an alcoholic father and codependent mother who pretty much did the thing that happened to most of gen x…they ignored my differences. AITA? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. It's not 1000% it's 50:50. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here AITA for wishing I had trauma? I don't know if I should post this, and I think I know the answer, but I just want confirmation. He’s so selfish and self absorbed he can’t comfort you through a trauma like that and made it about him? Narcissist from hell he is. Aug 5, 2022 · A reddit AITA got behind a woman whose husband doesn't care about her fire phobia. How her trauma is not my responsibility. AITA for screaming at my sil when she wouldn’t save my drowning kid because of her trauma? I (30F) have one daughter ‘Heather’ (2F) with my husband. Your mother was gratuitously cruel. Edit : First of all, thank you for the answers. Obviously I survived and am ok now but it was a tough r/AmItheAsshole. She didn't warn me, didn't ask if I was okay hearing it, anything, just. I think I might be the AH for being upset at my friend who trauma-dumped. He couldn't do anything right when it benefited others (he only did stuff if it made A place to satirize, crosspost from, poke fun at, and hold meta discussions on the never-ending ridiculous stories and creative writing exercises from AITA and AITA-adjacent subs, including classic tales of your local reddit heroes seeking validation. AITA for refusing to apologise to a friend who has been accusing me of abandonment and trauma. In other words, it's not like she got involved with the wrong man or was unable to get a good job and the consequences were bad for you. You lack any empathy for him, sounds like he married his mother. TW: mention of abuse,parentification and SA. Everybody's trauma is different and some people are not comfortable with being defended like that. Let down by everyone who should be caring for you and making you feel safe. AITA for voicing my hurt feelings about trauma. She said he couldn't sleep all night and told her he was very worried about me. Marcus has had an incredibly hard life- he was separated from his family as a child and grew up being moved from foster home to AITA For telling my partner he is faking his PTSD. AITA for telling my mom about all the trauma she has been giving me while in an argument when she played the victim English isn’t my first language so I might mess up some words! So my dad and I decided to invite my cousins over since they were coming to visit. She outright told you nothing you do will ever be enough to fix it, after you seemed to try your best with the little bit you had to give. Most likely, you wouldn't. I was adopted and grew up the consolation prize for the miscarriage my mom (68F) had at 20 weeks. He got really upset at that and it's been pretty tense between us. AITA for kicking my bf out of my apartment, invalidating his trauma, and requesting 2 years of rent from him Not the A-hole my (22f) parents both passed away when i was 16 and my 19 yr old brother took me in. Studies show mothers with untreated PTSD unintentionally create trauma for their own children, for instance causing them to develop hypervigilence of their own. AITA Your thoughts on this situation Am I the asshole So this is gonna be long a lot happened So I shortly after I turned 18 became homeless and moved in with my bestfriend who was in foster care she had a foster brother 15 (trans) and another foster brother who I won't be mentioning in the post Personally, trauma and parenting are my favorite topics, so I know for myself, even when I'm doing an initial assessment on a child that is showing signs of trauma response, I will educate the parent on what kinds of things could lead to it (usually things no one realizes results in trauma responses) and how it affects the brain. I've got a couple of people telling me I'm being way too harsh and acting selfishly. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. my mom always bent over backwards to help her, and give her what she wants. " She needs to be in therapy, and it's fine for you to want to set a limit on when and how (and for how long) she talks about things, but her trauma and your anxiety are equally important. So, Reddit, AITA for confronting my girlfriend about her insensitive joke regarding my childhood trauma? Should I reevaluate our relationship based on her reaction? Your judgment and insights are greatly appreciated. I started the blog on the advice of my therapist. They do not like how they are portrayed in some of my posts. Your mom is doing her no favors raising her as a little bff while obviously treating you very differently. Know dozens of adoptees without trauma. 5. He was a single dad of 2 kids, Jason (25m) and Sophie (27f). I like my current family and show them a lot of respect and love. TW Abuse. My brother (36M) is married to my sil ‘Kelly’ (37F). Some on my friends thing she is crazy while others think I am being an asshole because she seems to care about me View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit AITA childhood trauma/gaslighting into adulthood Backstory: (sorry I’ll try to be brief) parents separated when sibling and I were young m13 f9/10 I’ve always loved my dad and my brother has always had a stronger bond with my mother. Over the past few months, I have two trauma dump posts pop up on my For You page on TikTok. Instead of helping me feel better, giving me some words of encouragement or at least listening to AITA for comparing my trauma to my ex-GF, who is a fan of H3, after she/they said that Ethan Klein literally saved her life? Shitpost Posting on okbuddyvowsh because honestly, the less people that see this, the better imo I told her that no matter whether we're married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend's trauma, and that she was never going to be able to order me around in regards to it. I am a 20 y/o female that has had a lot of struggle since I have use of conscious. Absolutely agree that 1upping trauma isn’t cool, and it was a response in a complex relationship. Verbally abusive and made a nasty remark about it being your karma because you didn’t pay attention to him?! Get out now don’t look back. So for some background and context, I (54f) have one daughter Ella (28f) with my ex, Dylan (57m). You two need to figure out a way to be supportive of each other. I (21f) grew up getting bullied by one of my sisters (25) because she was just an angry and mean girl. Original-Leading-324. Since then, I stopped texting her. My niece holds strong beliefs about the ethical treatment of animals and is opposed to animal ownership. I was upset with her. So, was I the asshole for saying that my friend's trauma was more important than her comfort? Yeah. You keep saying “it was a trauma response” to negate responsibility & your feelings of guilt. Before we became parents my husband and I were ,one and done, meaning we only wanted one child. Getty Images/EyeEm. I don't like it when people trauma dump on me, but I would never tell them not to so bluntly. Taking the posts seriously is heavily discouraged. AITA for telling my mom she can’t talk to my kid about her miscarriage and take him to the grave? I (28F) have a son (5M). She made the decision to stay with him! She has asked me if I have any bandwidth to listen to her, but sometimes I just shut off my notifications because I need space to myself, and I have responded to her a couple of days later. for example, she had like 3x the amount of toys i had (we shared a room) and would get whiney when it was my birthday AITAthrowaway1mil. Subreddit Announcements Happy Anniversary, AITA! Follow the link above to learn more Next day I woke up around 12PM to find a lot of messages from Emma saying that I'm a bad friend and an attention seeker for "trauma dumping" on him. When I didn't understand the concept, he got really mad this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. Break the cycle, snap her out of it. Not wanting to get myself or my friends in trouble or danger I told them I was working on a character for a story. A few days ago me and my close friend met up to hang out. l and making her feel like she’s failed as a parent. AITA for saying my sister's trauma is her fault. Now my family has found the blog. This particular group of people have no jobs, have been reliant on enabling family members’ handouts for decades, and has an undeservedly high level Religious trauma can be more understated that having someone be cruel or hurtful to you in the name of religion; sometimes it’s just realizing how the church controlled and contributed to all kinds of weird unconscious thoughts you’ll spend years undoing. Vote. Now, I need to point out something. My partner M (20) for the sake of the story we'll call him Zack, and I F (19) have been together for three years now. It seems like it's all they talk about at times. Source: my experience with my extended family. Trauma means something and I’m so sick of people trying to co-opt the emotional gravity of words like “trauma” and “trigger” to gain extra sympathy for their personal problems. he had a rocky relationship with SIL growing up as a result, but NTA. half the money was left to him, i bought an apartment with the money with the other half left to me. Throwaway. Memes allowed, shitposts only on weekends. I know my mom isn’t interested in therapy, but I am strongly considering it so I can learn to have empathy for her and try and heal our relationship. Seems like someone isn't learning from past experience. We met when we were very young through support groups for adoptive Going back to the road, I started analyzing why I had forgotten to add cooler to my car's engine, which seem like a very simple task, I was wondering why sometimes I tend to forget very easy but key tasks and was feeling kind off down with myself. You OP I feel sorry for. “She knew her AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend’s trauma is more important than her comfort? (not op) My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. It is MY job to manage my reactions. Never should you ever compare traumas, because people handle things differently. . YTA because you should have manners. He isn’t a grown man, he is a child. AITA for calling out my adoptee friend for weaponizing her 'trauma'? For context: My friend 'Andrea' (35F) and I (37F) are both transracial adoptees (children adopted by parents outside of their race), and both of us were adopted from different countries but raised in the US. Eventually i lost my temper and accused him of stirring the pot and of projecting his trauma on to me. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here This. A few months ago, I (M24) met this girl Stacey (F22) at a bar when I was out with some of my friends. Dylan and I amicably divorced when Ella was only 4 years old. You'd be fine to never talk to her again, or to distance yourself, or make an excuse and leave, or do literally anything other than CALL HER OUT for opening up to a stranger. Your mom needs to take accountability for her bad parenting. But the fact it damages his self image suggests it's not really trauma. I (24M) live with a few of my friends. So, as a kid, we went to visit my uncle (let Older sis is perpetuating the trauma she received on you. Now she gets that. I (35f) had two older sisters growing up "Jane" and "Kim. They see it as a conflict caused on their behalf that makes them uncomfortable. Husband did the right thing, everybody tried to stop Kim without escalation. I think a lot of people don't give OP credit because they think that they could have handled it better. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Now Monica is going around saying I’m an asshole for trauma dumping on her. I (19F) had just started a new job as a night shift CNA, graduated highschool with my license, starting this new job I knew would come with many new learning experiences but I didn’t think this would be one of them? After morning rounds, me and the nurses/other aides usually Feb 13, 2023 · For context, she (25F) is about to get married to her fiancé (28M). I believe that I could be the asshole because she has trauma. I’ve told her that I don’t want to talk about ‘depressing stuff’ but she tells me I should do that she can support me and that it’s not a burden. Mainly pertaining to trauma. It’s offensive AF. This may have been something she needed to hear to make her think about what she's doing. She has one son from an ex (12M) and one daughter ‘Sadie’ (3F) with my brother. Subreddit Announcements Happy Anniversary, AITA! Follow the link above to learn more I was in an abusive relationship for 11 months with a girl who screamed at me, hit me and accused me of rape and then ended up cheating on me with a guy which she still with (as far as I know) and had a child with. B labels a lot of things trauma (one of their exes, The Furry, made them a fursona, so now any mention of fursonas is traumatic for B) yet often fails to recognize trauma in anyone else except really personal and common things for them. I believe her that she’s bored and she is a complete [Cant say bc i’ll get banned from AITA] for it, just like rest of the assholes who do this. My response to them is on me. The first one was a “skit” in which a girl imitated the moment her drunk boyfriend losing Russian roulette, and the second was a “skit” in which a girl imitated the moment her boyfriend had a heart attack and she didn’t know CPR so she let him die. AITA for telling my roommate to stop projecting his trauma onto me. Sure, a few people out there might have been able to come clean and face up to it, but most people wouldn't and likely would have either done the same thing, or pretended like it didn't happen. It’s not easy to be vulnerable. She approached me and we chatted. One of them, R (23M), had family members growing up that had bad alcohol problems and therefore doesn't drink. Probably one of the reasons your relationship broke down. Yeah, stating a sad fact of one’s life isn’t trauma-dumping. Finally, after about 5 months, I finally told her how I felt. " Kim got sick and died but not before giving birth to my niece "Laura" (18f). We rarely fight and the topic of marriage and having children have been brought up a lot. I had difficulty making friends at first for around 3-4 months and she was one of my early friends. She’s setting your sister up for some real personality & mental heath issues. r/AmItheAsshole. The depth of your disregard for your husband’s feelings and the trauma inflicted by his mother are evident in your description of her as “not a good mother, and she is a sucky grandmother. Subreddit Announcements Happy Anniversary I brought up a topic with my mum that basically blames her for the trauma that I went through as a child. You may not have meant to, and you have valid points, but calling yours 'literally trauma' compared to 'getting left' you do invalidate his experiences. AITA for crying after my coworker trauma dumped me. I have trauma and I have triggers. How I was upset and uncomfortable with how she trauma-dumped on me without consent. AITA for wanting to change my name due to childhood trauma. What my dad did could be seen as so much worse and more traumatic and I get why people would feel that way. their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. I also said her comfort was less important than someone’s actual physical well-being. For example, a doctor will go see another doctor for their own treatment, not rely on themselves. Throwaway Account. A few years back I had trouble with my math homework and asked my dad for some help (We all know where this is going). Go to therapy so you stop using your past traumas as an excuse to hit. At first, we got along fine, but as time went on, he showed himself to be a truly insufferable person. We were supposed to have another friend of mine (20M) come with us, and I had asked another friend (19F) to get the 20M. ”. He called me an AH and my brother agrees because he thinks that the natural response to your wife spending time with another man is think she’s cheating and that i was wrong to insult my dad like that when to everyone else, it looks like she KingKupa101. IIRC, I think he asked me if I had any fears going into it or I think I said I had really bad luck with dating in the past and he asked why. AITA for not wanting a forced Christian family in the future? My partner (28M) and I (24F) have been together for a but over two years, and everything has been good. But she’s being awful to you and using her trauma as an excuse. Her sister, also 25, is a widow who lost her husband six years ago, just 10 days after they tied the knot. Our two boys (13,12) and our girl (10). This can express itself down through generations until someone who has the emotional courage and ability deals directly not only with the lasting, generational effects of the trauma AITA for saying to my BIL that not everyone have the same trauma from the sam experience? Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. We met in high school a year after I experienced a traumatic event which caused me to develop post traumatic stress disorder. Posted by u/New-Prize-7698 - 7,215 votes and 4,297 comments Get out of the relationship now. 2) this might make me the asshole because I might be attacking her personality and her parenting skills. I mentioned I had a date this weekend and we were talking about it. Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since. My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. So, on and off for a few years now I’ve been wanting to look into changing my first name. Hi all, I’m F(22) and in my first year of college I became friends with a girl, I’ll call her A. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here I brought up my past childhood trauma to my mom during a heated argument. It was horrible. AITA for blaming my dad for the way I am now and my "trauma"? I'm 14-year-old girl who has a troubled relationship with her parents currently, or that's the way I view it. The fact you felt comfortable enough hitting a 6 year old is crazy. Help keep the sub engaging! I told my mom she caused as much trauma as my dad, just in different ways. She told me a story about how when she was a kid, she had to eat a banana in class after they were out of apples. I really appreciate her support but I’m just not the type of person that likes discussing my trauma with people who will never understand what I’ve been through. It was like someone took every bad thing a man does in a relationship and put them into one man. Reply reply. She was flirty, so I rolled. Ben replied he couldn't help it and he froze, and I had others with me, but I said I think I deserved to have my husband care, and his 'trauma' shouldn't be more important than my life. FiteTonite. She went out of her way to create unpleasantness. Few years later I married my now husband Jack (55m). I think that might make me the AH because her feelings are more important at the moment. ob ed kt ta kz cm va ij qq ur