. Essentially we had sex 2 times in that 3 years. Crypto Business, Economics, and Finance. It was a research paper "Bed death and other Lesbian sexual problems unraveled: a qualitative study of the sexual health of Lesbian women involved in a relationship" The idea have being change now "Debunking Lesbian Bed Death: Using Coarsened Exact I feel that it was unfair of him to blame my depression on the things that caused our dead bedroom and my current feelings when it wasn’t. Never felt better. The DBR's been going on for many years, but especially the past 3. My husband understands now that it's always been me, not him. She left behind a husband and a 18mo old son. I feel the only modicum of hope is completely out of my control. GameStop Moderna Pfizer Johnson & Johnson AstraZeneca Walgreens Best Buy Novavax SpaceX Tesla. I miss making love to my wife. I can't just decide to just don't be sad about it anymore (I've tried). You'll have the tools and knowledge to know how to make sure you call it early when you see it. I’m currently pregnant and I’m worried that this can turn into to post partum Dead bedroom and depression I’m coming to the realisation that both myself and wife have suffered from depression since our frost kid was born. Regardless of the reason your bedroom is dead, the hurt is still the same. Of course you have been missing out. Apr 25, 2022 · Step 1. We had a rough few years where she became emotionally abusive as a result of her mental health struggles. Married 20 years, 3 kids, but the bedroom's been dead since the very start, mostly. Our dead bedroom was "my fault" at least in the respect that I was the one turning down the advances. When you feel "dead inside" feelings take on the same dull tone and are hard to appreciate no matter the situation. The low libido partner loses desire. She's recently (6m) been diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder, but I say diagnosed as she's recently been medicated for it, it's been no secret for at least a decade. Around 18 months I was diagnosed with depression and found myself on antidepressants. When I bring it up to her, she aknowledges my feelings but doesn't want/know how to put any of that in some sort of practical effort or way we can adress that. Conquered a Dead Bedroom I've been in and out of r/DeadBedrooms over the years and various accounts, but I'm happy to report that we conquered our dead bedroom. Confront it. I wish I had… I think most dead bedrooms can trace their root cause to one of these or multitudie of these. That loneliness began when it was apparent that any and all intimacy was dead. Long time lurker here, throwaway because reasons ;) I just wanted to get of my chest how my dead bedroom ended. HL/LL combo, virgins (one or both). 198 votes, 32 comments. That is actually a good thing, or anyone else for that matter to start feeling better and being happier. Their is no one size fits all. While they Jul 19, 2021 · Stage Twelve-. A place for advice or simply a rant. General Discussion. We have other issues in our marriage, not just the dead bedroom, mainly financial. I'm the "LL" partner for the sake of the sub but honestly, its hardly about libido. Depression that resurfaces even when they are doing everything right. What lead to the DB? Stress of 2 children; one with special needs and the passing of my MIL. Depression. Having kids and dead bedrooms. In phase 1, my behavior was affectionate, but it wasn't the right time. Dead bedroom cause of TDAH Me and my wife have been struggling with sex since our second month dating. So OK. Good news for all you dead bedroomers out there. Make it the issue. I love her, I'm in love with her. So then I transitioned to a distancing strategy, which is phase 2. Dead bedroom for 5+ years with my wife of 10 years and My husband’s desire, passion, lust, etc. If it can't be fixed, LEAVE! You don't know your future, and you may regret inaction way more than the act of divorce. I wish!! Obviously there’s a ton of stuff you can do to take your mind off of sex and intimacy - or lack there of. We have been married almost 6 years and our bedroom has been dead for almost 5. Got ya on the break through part. This killed my normally HL for the next year. In all honesty, the bigger sign is not even the absence of sex - it's the approach to resolving disagreements that you're stuck with. Recovering from the damage that rejection and dismissal of feelings causes is much harder, if it's possible at all. Members Online . You'll only ever be in a dead bedroom once. A body that barely moves holds a lot of stuck, stagnant energy. DBR turns to depression M. We have gone from my wife literally never thinking about sex, to me - the high libido partner - saying "Stop it, we just had sex, we have to focus on other stuff!" Months for sure, I'm sure he'd have a more exact figure. redditreader_aitafan. 12 votes, 32 comments. The lesbian dead bed was the first time I ever heard the term. Actually, I share that responsibility with my antidepressant but I didn’t realize it. I get ignored or scolded. My fiancee has been super depressed lately and last night he told me it's so bad that he can't even get it up anymore. Relationships with children are more stressful, less satisfying, more likely to lead into dead bedrooms and, perhaps most importantly, much more difficult to get out of once I’m the reason we’ve had a dead bedroom for over 3 years. A while back I posted on my dead bedroom situation and that I had made the decision to leave. It was completely unexpected and it really shook me up. After my last long term dating relationship fell apart amid a dead bedroom — it was the symptom of a bigger problem, rather than our ultimate downfall — I realized that I didn’t want to move into a new relationship not knowing how to discuss my and my partner’s needs surrounding intimacy My wife had told me her sex drive was completely gone and she thought she was asexual, 20 year dead bedroom, sex 0 to 4 times a year. It has been months since we… r/DeadBedrooms. My husband was diagnosed with depression and has been in… Struggling with depression lately. We have had talks about it, mostly started by me, a couple by her. When we were younger there was only one thing she wouldn’t do (insert imagination). I didn’t know this sub existed. The dead bedroom affects the relationship but there's likely other issues going on that probably don't affect the relationship as well. Is this a dead bedroom? At this point, thats less of my concern, more of a curiousity. for me was gone almost immediately after the wedding. When my MIL passed, my wife fell into a deep depression that lasted for years; coupled with the kids it was not a good Guide: Having "The Talk". I’m a 30 year old HLF married to a 41 year old LLM. The silence when I opened the door terrified me. Married almost 14 years. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She also struggles with depression and anger issues. Go to school, go to the gym, build yourself up to be who you've always wanted to be. Success Story. I was in a pretty bad depression and that just removed what remained of our sexual life. Familial patterns may be identified in such cases. Regularly move your body in a way that you enjoy. Anything really. We went to a therapy session a few days after and she blatantly denied saying any of the things she said to me. It is really possible ? The fact of the matter is that feeling didn't start when we broke up. It could be NRE (new relationship energy) timing out or depression, pain from sex or resentments that aren’t resolved. We’ve had marital problems and then lack of sex layered on, we nearly divorced in 2023. I’m dealing with essentially a dead bedroom for the past 4 months with my girlfriend. After my libido came back the sex has been very different. If you can successfully navigate yourself out of a dead bedroom, I'm pretty certain you'll never put yourself in one again. lvstudlvr said: For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. I dont know what happened. I thought it was my marriage. •. I don’t think those will fully erase your need and desire for physical touch though. Like your partner is just a roommate you have committed to. Crypto Then the depression kicks in, and boy does it kick in. Wellbutrin works well to help counter some adverse effects of SSRIs but changing SSRI to another one which has less frequent adverse effects (Lexapro) for example, might help. I’ve tried everything jumping through every hoop I’ve been given. Sep 3, 2019 · Dead bedroom relationships are clinically defined as those in which a couple has sex fewer than six times a year, Holly Richmond, PhD, a sex therapist in New York City, tells Health. shake off depression. I've been given every excuse you could think of. You can recover from a dead bedroom. What it could be just looming over you every single day. We’re going to first look at the smartest path forward to fix your dead bedroom: communicating about the dead bedroom. goes inside, takes my pillow and blankets and puts them in the guest bedroom and has been cold to me since. Another societal construct for the win! Early stages of a dying bedroom might mean you can Oct 26, 2020 · Dead bedrooms are a bane of many lovers, couples, and families all over the world. Our relationship is an afterthought, and that exacerbates my depression. I was married at 30 but a 28 yr old virgin, my wife was 2 yr younger with some (limited) sex experience. I (32LL (?)F) posted here almost a month ago seeking advice and feedback on how to approach re-awakening the dead bedroom I had created with my husband (37M). Do something. The whole calendar year of 2020 & of 2022 were zero. Depression can also be caused by the state of the relationship or over arguments about sex. We were all over each other constantly. Boy, how to even start. It’s often torturous for those involved. It’s been very frustrating because of how sexual she was to start and the fact that the dead bedroom began after a case of infidelity has made it difficult to cope with. Depression may be caused by something that is not relationship or sex-based but it can obviously impact them. Phase 3 was about switching back to an affectionate strategy. All of that in addition to the lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, depression, and everything else that comes with a Dead Bedroom. This past month I have been trying to enjoy our lives. 2. Crypto 53mhl and 45fll finally getting something out of couples therapy and some progress on the dead bedroom. We lost our 25yr old daughter to cancer 19 yrs ago. In my precious relationship though, I had a much much higher sex drive than my partner, so I think I might have struggled with a lot of the same feelings as most of the people in this sub. • 4 yr. I (38f) am the one making our bedroom dead. We are getting married in October, but I can’t live the rest of my life feeling like I am undesirable. We tried marriage counseling and he never put in the effort. Resentment is tough and completely understandable. Lack of time. The best wife and mother I could ever ask for. " When I heard that, I immediately shut down, and I think that was when my depression in the relationship started. Crosspost from r/confession . With someone who wants sex twice a week, you would have had sex over 2 000 times. Best wishes OP. My husband desperately wants sexual interaction with me but I dont think we are compatible anymore. Pre-kids, things were good in the bedroom; everyone seemed to be satisfied with how things went. I knew she was still alive. With brief interludes of life here… Our sex life took a massive dip back in 2011 when her dad tragically passed away and she struggled to cope with depression, grief, guilt, and anger management. Each of these categories have their own needs path out of dead bedrooms. She said that the therapist was against her. But flirting with me, sending a nude, or talking dirty is off the table. Crypto A community for both sides of the deadbedroom coin. I am sure the guilt is overwhelming knowing you should stay but feeling you need to go. After second kid born 11 yrs after wedding basically stopped. She has no issue masturbating and looking at porn. Yes, I was literally bawling my eyes out in my doctor’s office because my husband wasn’t having sex with me. It's worth mentioning that in the past two years, she went through a tough exam, passed it with flying colors, and dealt with depression, a functional depression (she works, takes care of herself, etc. He's honestly my best friend and were we not married and (supposedly) monogamous, I'd tell him this. May 23, 2023 · Dead bedroom refers to when sexual frequency and activity is very low or non-existent in a relationship. I love our… Hey there, so I (F26) am on this sub purely out of interest because a dead bedroom might be my biggest fear. Pick your ADMIN MOD. I've done all the talks, and all the tests, and all the things. Reply reply. She's no longer a fan of foreplay and usually just wants to go on top until I cum. The conversation just never resolves into solid steps to take. The affectionate strategy is great for solving problems with a loving partner, but my wife wasn't being a partner. A support group for Redditors who are coping with a relationship that is seriously lacking in sexual intimacy. My husband (M35) and I (F27) have been together for 6 years, married for 2. We have 4 kids. Seeking Advice I 20 f have been struggling with my partner 24m since we’ve moved in together. The frequency has been way less predictable. But in my personal life/bedroom I feel like the scum that he scraps off his shoes before he walks in the door. Apr 19, 2022 · Step 1. I have really been struggling with depression about how mismatched my partner and I are and how selfish he’s been over the years in lots of different ways. It is likely both, and both the resentment and depression are caused by your own thoughts and actions. Not talking about sex. Update on dead bedroom. I should have never gotten married, and then once I did, I wish I had left immediately. I can’t even tell her that because the last time I said something similar about 2 months ago it sent it back into serious depression. And I was diagnosed with depression because of the lack of intimacy in my marriage about 6 months later. It was actually a relief to open the door and hear her crying in the bedroom. I notice this happen a lot. Narcissists focus only on what they want with no consideration for others needs or feelings, they don't Dead bedroom. I started Zoloft in 2020. The difference now being that I am finally focusing on myself and more in touch with myself as opposed to burying myself in her anxiety, depression, etc. I started off standing and ended up sitting. I thought it was worthwhile to come back and provide an update on where things are at now. Positive Progress Post. Reply. Depression Creeping In Despite having a dead bedroom always looming over my mental health I’ve been doing okay. We've probably heard your story but you may not have heard the advice yet. Pick your I (F, 38) am married for 10 years to my husband (M, 38) and we have two children, 8 and 5. Lack if connection Lack of attraction Stress Infertility Depression Poor communication Physical medical issues affecting ED or painful sexual experiences from hormones, dryness, and a whole host of medical issues. I was in such a deep depression, I had migraines for days and just didn’t want to get out of bed. After a few weeks my husband got me into Reply reply. Deploy courage and go for it, or phone it in and blame the world for your results. We broke up for a couple years and got back together at 20 (he is 6 months older than M story of deadbedroom, cheating, depression and hope. Business, Economics, and Finance. You can’t really. In many instances depression can have a biological basis. We have "talked" many times over the last 7 years we have married about my need for intimacy and affection, sexual or otherwise, but it just never seems to click. #16. When our first child was born, I shut down. If it can be fixed, work on it and don't give up. Over the past year, our sex life has decreased significantly, going from… My wife struggles with depression, and some lingering trust and anger issues related to her shitty parents and their divorce. Feeling dead inside might cause life to seem like a boring event, one that has no purpose or end in sight. Not long after that my father died suddenly from a massive heart attack. After making that post I decided to work really hard on making myself a better person. I think more honesty would have saved me a lot of pain - both of us probably. If you’ve got a dead bedroom, can you bring it back to life? The truth is yes you can - but there are no guarantees. If you are in a long term dead bedroom, stop waiting. He takes medicine for depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Realistic_Drink4264. The key to a great sex life is communication, and without it, couples may find themselves unsatisfied, frustrated, and resentful. Now 10 years later, I cant remember if I was ever not depressed. ), currently in treatment and therapy, and things are relatively normal, except for the bedroom. Jan 16, 2022 · it can be depressing. Things only continued to decline in the bedroom. Been like this since kids came into picture but the bedroom was dead prior. He would confidently tell you it was my fault, and I would confidently tell you it was his fault. I think I am depressed. If you have sex ten times a year, that means a total of 200 times in twenty years. Oct 12, 2020 · You choose how you want to show up. What are your experiences with mental illness and dead bedrooms? I've seen discussion of other medical factors; low T, diabetes, heart disease, but in my experience mood disorders are also a factor. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I recently threatened separation/divorce because I just can't live like this anymore. Addiction to social media and phones can ruin this. Crypto I don’t understand why we have a DB. I have been married for nine years and I really do love my husband, he's an amazing person and I am lucky to have him in my life. Sep 28, 2022. In my heart of hearts I know I am attractive and confident. Sadness, anger, depression, and then sometimes just indifference. When people stop giving us the affection that we crave as human beings Dead Bedroom depression? Been feeling pretty depressed about my dead bedroom lately. I have a plan to divorce. The pills almost always kill libido. Working out, friends, hobbies, etc. And that stagnant energy will be mirrored in your love life. They especially feel like roommates once the romance is gone too. SO didn't seem to mind. Practice makes perfect. I am a 36M, divorcing my 34F wife, after 4 or more years in a dead bedroom, and a loveless marriage. Crypto For a man this shame and guilt typically leads to repressed sexual desires, intimacy avoidance, performance anxiety, ED and a breakdown in communication with a SO/partner in and out if the bedroom. Has anyone experienced having a dead bedroom with a partner who has adhd and depression, and any ideas how to revitalise the… Business, Economics, and Finance. I’ve felt that feeling coming home many many times. She works full time, and while she is depressed that she can't spend more time with her kids, she would hate being a stay at home mom. I also know that her SSRIs difficult her achieving orgasm a lot so that could be a part of the problem. This subreddit makes the connection between dead bedrooms and having children fairly obvious. Studies have shown that Lexapro causes less sexual side effects than Zoloft, for most people. DB of 3 years, it was horrible. Dec 6, 2022 · All of these things are likely to result in decreased sexual desire and may eventually lead to a dead bedroom. ago. LL has problems with sex due to religious shame. Lack of focus. I think my dead bedroom and lack of emotional intimacy are the root cause. Sometimes I feel that in lots of dead bedroom relationships one partner is an easy going, responsible & kind of a people-pleaser person while the other is kind of high on narcissistic traits, especially selfishness, lying and lack of empathy. 5 years of a dead bedroom, I cheated with no regrets. My wife and I have sex about the same or less than ever (every 1-3 months). She doesn't exercise which I guess would also help with her depression too. 5 of it. Our take on a DB is very different. She is on HRT plus testosterone now and is practically hypersexual. I hesitated to leave and 4 months later I am now a widow. It comes in waves and right now it’s at an ebb but I can feel it coming back like the tide. Give some love to yourself. permanent_staff. While the actions above have 1000% helped me feel more confident, improved my mental health, and made me stop resenting my wife for lack of intimacy, they haven't helped our dead bedroom. I wanted to post some lessons I’ve learned in this short time. Flirting is too much pressure. My feelings were valid in that moment and I couldn’t trust myself enough to follow through with the conversation. Many things contribute to DB's, alcohol and drug use, total loss of sexual desire/need, medical reasons, medications and even drifting apart Nonamewoman17. I (40M) am on the receiving end of a DBR (40F). He was my first everything, started dating at 16. That's close to the clinical definition of a dead bedroom. I know first-hand how intertwined mental illness and sexual dysfunction can be. Married 13 years. I go through phases with mine. We were completely devastated. Most men would not settle for a relationship where sex only happens once a month. 13 votes, 20 comments. Our former marriage counselor suggested it was post-partum depression, but my wife never seemed to accept that explanation nor ever forgave me for being unavailable after our child was born. I know the only logical thing to do is to divorce him but unfortunately I can’t. But that makes it even harder. I dread coming home. Being in this sub and seeing that there are people who would thoroughly enjoy me and want to participate with me by reading their posts has been good I was on 300mg of Zoloft and it did the same thing to me…. Outside of our dead bedroom our marriage is better than it has been for years. Medication is a big red flag here too. The couple has veered away from their sexual norm either temporarily, or permanently for a variety of reasons. Medical - Have to wait out the healing journey Trauma - Therapy is the most likely solution, but therapy can take multiple forms or approaches. Nov 13, 2023 · The meaning of feeling dead inside is to find it difficult to process emotions like happiness and sadness. Sep 21, 2022 · Supreme Citizen of ZV. Like many of you; our marriage started out great, but then quickly fell to becoming a Dead Bedroom after about 3 years. Mental health and dead bedrooms. She has told me that she has been experiencing hemorrhoids for some time, which has caused a loss of libido for her. honestly less than 50x sex in past 20 years…. We have sex almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, 5 times so far this weekend, probably 6 when the Oscar's are over 😀 Then it was was depression and anxiety Then it was holiday stress Now it’s body image issues, stress, and anxiety. I’m on 200mg welbutrin and 100mg Zoloft and now I’m good Now I’m useless, I work dead end job, I didn’t pay for her 1st nursing degree etc. At first it was all sex and giggles, but in our second month together my wife had a pretty bad depression episode. After 2. I would cautiously say we’ve been successful Business, Economics, and Finance. Well, maybe without that last bit. I m (36) and my wife f (36) are high school sweethearts. And then I had to go look. A few times during these discussions, she mentioned her giving me a free pass to "get it out of my system. she discovered childhood trauma in therapy yrs back and struggles with depression but it just aint getting better from the standpoint of US as a married couple. My despondency is a turn-off, and that exacerbates her dispassion. In my own relationship I feel like I have been deceived and betrayed, strung along, used. 26 HLF here, I have depression issues since 6 months and I think DB is a major reason. 4. She’s my absolute world. denial, sadness, anger, depression Speedrunning the kubler-ross cycle of grief- denial, anger, bargaining depression, acceptance. But after no Christmas or New Years sex and just generally feeling alone and like I’ve failed somehow as a wife I’m struggling to get out of bed today. I think depression and other mental health issues are at play with many of these cases. I find myself parking my car during the grocery run in a lay-by, and sit there crying for 20 minutes and wonder whether I should just keep driving somewhere - anywhere - and get a random hotel room and disappear for the night. My 50th year of life had nothing, the damage to my mental state was devastating. And you can thrive in other ways. They usually end with her saying that she doesn't need sex. Together almost 22 years. vtdwhynfgbtttgqncbwo